by Monica Schlange
If you knew me when I was in high school you knew I was on a mission to become a pilot. I loved small planes especially. But I quickly learned the financial cost to become a pilot was beyond me and the dream went by the wayside.
Fast forward to my 30s when, for reasons I still don’t understand, I became increasingly afraid of flying. I distinctly remember being on a flight with Eric and trying not to cry too hysterically so as not to upset the other passengers. Every bump in turbulence desperately scared me; I just knew we were going to die. My whole body was on board with this lie, severe panic set in.
Over the next 14 years we had more opportunities to fly, sometimes as long as 13 hours. Each time I’d have to be extremely intentional about the whole flight. Lots of prayer, listening to loud worship music in my earbuds to drown out the sounds of the plane, medication for when I worked myself into a migraine, intentional breathing. Everything I had to do to be somewhat functional on the flights was so physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting that it would take me days to recover.
More recently I’ve witnessed God move in really cool ways so this last November when another opportunity to fly came up I decided to ask God if He could help me figure out my flying issue. When I asked Him in prayer why this new fear had shown up the Holy Spirit revealed to me that it’s because I have control issues. I kind of replied with a “well, duh, I know that. But why do I have them?” In His kindness He revealed to me that I started believing the lie that I’m only safe when I’m in control. Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. But that’s where the conversation ended. I knew He loved me and that He’s in control of all things, so I was relieved to have more info and thought this would help me feel better about flying.
Months later I started booking our flights, during which I became increasingly anxious. We would be taking SEVEN flights total. It was exhausting just thinking of all the times I’d have to be brave, try to battle the thoughts, try to walk onto flights, try to choose to believe God, etc. I was panicking. So I decided to book a counseling appointment with a gal I’d heard about who helps people gain breakthrough or hear from God. She’s just a normal gal who has been helping people for a while. Basically a counseling session where you very intentionally talk to the Lord together throughout it to see what He may say.
During our time together God convicted my heart about things I needed to repent of and a person I needed to forgive. He also brought to my mind a picture of how He sees me and where He is. I cried off and on during this special time with God. What a relief it was to have a long conversation with Him. God also revealed that not only was I believing the lie that I’m the only one who can keep me safe, but also He showed me the truth that I’m actually SAFER when He is in control. That may seem like another “oh duh” moment, but for some reason the truth of that went from just being head knowledge to now also being heart knowledge. My whole body calmed right down as I felt to my core that I am safer when HE is in control. Sweet relief!
About a month later Eric and I drove to San Francisco to start flight one to the East Coast. As I walked onto the plane I felt almost drowsy. Calm, sleepy, content. What a strange way to feel after so many years of panic. We took off and I heard every noise, felt the push into my seat, saw the ground get further away and I was completely fine! We banked pretty sharply and I could see the ground straight out the window. My reaction was an amazed and surprised grin, turning to look at Eric as I pointed outside with a smile. Who is this new version of myself? Thank you, Jesus! Hours later we experienced turbulence and it made me laugh! I actually tried to quiet the laughter; quite the change from when I tried to quiet the hysterical crying years earlier. Why is turbulence so funny? No idea, it just is!
This was the way the first 5 flights were. Drowsy, calm, carefree onto the plane. Enjoying the flight, the turbulence, the views, the landing. And then we got to flight 6. It was the shortest flight. 45 minutes total. Hardly time to even get in the air before we were going to land again. And something changed. I started to feel those old feelings again. Nothing had changed about the flight, but something had changed about me. I didn’t tell Eric, I just worked my way through the things God had shown me during the meeting time with Him. I’m safer when He is in control. He is with me on the plane. I don’t have to fear. He loves me. It barely helped. We landed and I had 6 days to figure out what just happened before our final flight home.
Six days came and went and we found ourselves at the last airport. An 11.5 hour flight was about to happen. I was nervous but hopeful I’d be fine on this flight. I asked God to please make me carefree again. He didn’t. As we stood waiting to be called to the jetway I was sweating and scared. Not only did I not have breakthrough anymore, I also didn’t have any of my old tools to help me on this flight. I finally told Eric: “I don’t know what’s going on but I was freaking out on the last flight and I’m freaking out about this one! I tried doing all the things the gal told me to do about asking God where He is, remembering what He said to me, but none of it is helping!” And as we talked, praise Jesus, God reminded me of one last tool the gal gave me!
She had told me, “you have the truth now that you’re safer when God is in control. So if your mind or the enemy starts trying to convince you of a lie you can tell it ‘I’m not arguing with you about this. God is the one who came up with the truth so if you have a problem with it you’ll have to talk to Him about it!’ And then don’t argue with the lie. Tell it to go to God to argue since He’s the one who could change it, not you.” When I finished telling Eric this I added “So I’m not going to argue with a lie! I’m safe!” And just like that I could feel my whole body let go of the fear. I was free again to drowsily and happily walk onto the plane, looking forward to turbulence, banking, and flying over large bodies of water. Thank you, God!
It makes me think of what the Apostle Paul said in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5: “For though we live as human beings, we do not wage war according to human standards, for the weapons of our warfare are not human weapons, but are made powerful by God for tearing down strongholds. We tear down arguments and every arrogant obstacle that is raised up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to make it obey Christ.” When a jailer takes an inmate into the jail because a judge sentenced the inmate the inmate doesn’t get to then argue with the jailer about it. If he tries the jailer may say “if you have a problem being locked up take it up with the judge. I’m just following his orders.” So too for us: when we take a thought captive because it is against what God says it doesn’t get to try to convince us of anything. It wouldn’t do any good to argue with us anyway. We aren’t the one who sentenced it as a lie. We only took it captive at the order of God.
Do you have any lies that are trying to argue with you? Ask God what the truth is, and then if your mind or satan try to argue with you about what God says is true send it to God to argue with Him instead. There’s no more arguing with you. You’re just the middle man walking in freedom!
Now, who wants to fly somewhere fun with me?
