by Monica Schlange
Recently I heard a podcast where financial expert Dave Ramsey said “Choose your hard.” He was, of course speaking on finances, basically saying you can do hard things now, or you will have difficulties you have to deal with later. For example: the hard thing you do now might be taking a sandwich to work for lunch instead of spending $18 on take-out with your coworker. The hard later, after not saving the lunch money might be a delay of retirement or no savings when your car breaks down because you ate out all those times. Make sense? Choose your hard.
Initially I applied this concept to my health. I can choose to go on a walk first thing in the morning, even though mornings are chilly and I have other things I want to do. If I don’t do this my blood sugars, metabolism, heart health, etc will get worse and worse and then I’ll have to deal with that difficult thing when it comes. Do I want to just go on the walk, or do I want to become pre-diabetic?
But then I started thinking about this concept in relation to attending Celebrate Recovery and no longer walking in the garbage I was hanging on to. Now, one might think that when something has the fun word “celebrate” or the lovely idea of “recovery” in the name you’d be easily drawn to attend, but it seems that’s rarely the case. Many people need courage to walk in the first time (or three).
Let me explain. About 4 years ago I had this very distinct moment during a gathering with close believer friends where God showed me that I need to tell those friends about my deepest secret pain. I was then led by God to attend Celebrate Recovery to start the process of dealing with the shame I’d been carrying for nearly 40 years. One might think I’d be clamoring to get in the door of Celebrate Recovery for a chance to finally walk in freedom, but it was nearly the opposite of that.
As the first Friday I was to attend drew near I felt sick about going. Who would see me there? What would they ask of me? Could the people there tell why I was there? Maybe I can do this on my own. No, God TOLD me to go. I don’t want the consequence of being disobedient about this direct order. And I haven’t been able to do it on my own for so long, so why would I be able to now? But will I have to share stuff? Will I know anyone? Can I please remain anonymous in a room full of people?
I asked my husband to go with me. He did. Walking in together was easier, though I still felt sick about it all.
Weeks of attending went by and as I sat there I started paying attention to how I felt. It was strange being in a building where on Sundays I bounded in week after week, year after year, feeling alive and excited and ready to serve. And then Fridays would come and I’d trudge in after changing into clothes I could hide in. I’d have to talk myself into looking at and interacting with people. Why was I like this? To add to the mystery of it all, the people I was with each Friday were the most welcoming, loving people I’ve ever met. Alive, happy, and REAL. More so than even the Sunday morning crowd was. What was my problem?
As I kept going back it became clear I was feeling the same way I had felt back when my trauma was still happening. When I was young I would dress and act in a way that I thought would allow me to either blend in or disappear. I’d even sit (both in Celebrate Recovery and as a kid) with my knees up in front of me or sunk back in my bulky sweatshirt trying to put some barrier between me and others. I didn’t know how to cope with the pain or the shame, then or now.
But I kept coming back. Even when the shame I carried for so long would try to stop me. Mostly because of those amazing people I mentioned I’d see each week. I got to see the freedom many were walking in. I got to hear parts of their stories. I got to share some of mine, when I felt ready. I got to see how real they all were. “Yeah, this happened. I chose this path of sin. But Jesus set me free!” I wanted that freedom.
So back to the statement Dave Ramsey said: “Choose your hard.” For nearly 40 years I chose the hard path of walking in shame. But four years ago I started choosing the temporarily hard path of walking in to Celebrate Recovery. And after choosing a new hard, a better hard, I’ve been walking in complete FREEDOM for 3 years now!
Won’t you choose to walk into Celebrate Recovery on Friday nights too? 6:00 in the church gym. It’s hard to get from the parking lot to the table inside, but it’s a better hard and there’s freedom from Jesus that comes with it!
